it was still dark outside, when marÃa and i left the house this morning to meet up with a friend in a cafe. she had sneeked out of her house, so that nobody would know. she is having an abortion this morning. Planned Parenthood, the second floor of a grey building at parking lot at the back of Pacific Avenue. our friend was petrified.
today was abortion day in Santa Cruz Planned Parenthood. once a month they do abortions. once the month. for whatever reason, this scarcity (and with problematic consequences – like in the case of our friend she had to fix an abortion appointment before having made the decision, the next appointment would be too late), it keeps the place from being identified as an “abortion clinic”. it keeps the picket lines away, a nurse says.
the process of making a decision was tough. drenched, and drenched again, in feelings of shame, humiliation, fear. surrounded by nightmares. we were the only friends she found she could tell. we begin to feel, from the inside of friendship, how fragile and small social acceptance of abortion is in this country. old childhood friends, “best friends”… she was terrified by the idea that they would know. i’m talking about circles where the legality of abortion is defended (not to be taken for granted in this country); it still feels like the forbidden.
women in the waiting room. most of them alone. some look miserable. the nurses and doctors attending to our friend kept on asking about us. “are these your friends?” “how lucky you are.” “not one, but two friends came with you.” this was the part that made me most sad.
our friend was unemployed and without health insurance when she got pregnant. this means that she should qualify for Medicaid, a state funded program providing medical care to people who are part of designated eligibility groups. being pregnant should make one eligible. last week our friend had an appointment with Planned Parenthood in order to do the paper work and apply. the woman she talked to questioned her decision to have an abortion. was she really sure… she could be making a big mistake… many women regret it afterwards… it wasn’t a good thing in the eyes of god… a whole arsenal of weapons in an embryo saving mission. it caught our friend by surprise, made her feel miserable (as if she hadn’t felt miserable enough the last weeks), she couldn’t stop crying. the emotional pressure came with financial pressure. if our friend would have the baby and give it up for adoption, the woman would make sure that our friend didn’t have to pay a thing, that she’d be fully covered. this still remained to be seen in the case of an abortion, the woman suggested, and made sure our friend understood that she was on the commission that takes the decision.
(the insistance on adoption, also on the flyers. it’s not the “keeping pregnancy vs. abortion” decision as it is mostly played out back home. no, giving up for adoption is very present as an option.)
we were so angry. this is Planned Parenthood, this is after counselling sessions to help women make an informed decision. probably there’s a better screening of those counsellors, marÃa suggested. but i wouldn’t be surprised if women on embryo-saving missions infiltrate these places. our friend partly feels she should follow up on this, file a complaint somewhere, but of course it’s the last thing on her mind these days. marÃa has fantasies of an action like dumping a whole lot of chicken embryos in front of the door (you want embryos… here they are!) but it’s not clear at all how that would distinguish us from those anti-abortion activists. that was last week, when we were angry.
today is different. some sadness, some fear, lots of care and tenderness.
the nurses. one telling our friend about how she had been alone to cross the picket-lines years ago when she had an abortion. another one recognizing what our friend feels and offering her (“i probably shouldn’t be asking you this, but do you believe in God?”) to pray together, that she will be safe and all will be fine. a picture of an ocean, beach and palm trees on the ceiling, right above where one’s head lies on the table.
the darkness of the night was just pulling away when we entered the PP building. there’s beautiful sunlight in a clear blue sky when we get out. we have a good meal together and spend the entire afternoon on the beach, where our friend wanders in and out of sleep. today was not a bad day.
(photo from marÃa’s ocean woman series)