around noon i up look at the bright blue sky. somewhere up there is the airplane with a seat reserved for me – i guess i’m considered a “no-show” now. decided not to fly back home. god knows that i would have wanted to be in europe, or in beirut, but not here.<\/p>\n
but i feel immobile now, it has been too much. the feeling that “here” starts to slip away – too much of being in between places, jet lagged, not very grounded. i am so used to juggle different places, to travel in between them, to have different relationships with and engagements in them. not sure if i would know how to live well in only one place.<\/p>\n
but this time, this place, i’ve hit some kind of limit. it’s the fact of being in a place i don’t really like and therefore being unable to turn it into a good pied-a-terre which makes it so much easier to be mobile. it’s the sheer distance – i should stop pretending california-europe is another version of brussels-utrecht, brussels-luxemburg, brussels-london or brussels-istanbul. it’s the body – that material map of the things one does – getting older. it’s… whatever it is, it’s hitting a limit. a kind of exhaustian which unsettles “here”, not as a particular place, but a disposition of body and mind.<\/p>\n
when i look at that blue sky my mouth tightens – god knows how much i would have wanted to be on a plane going east. but i know i need to stay here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
around noon i up look at the bright blue sky. somewhere up there is the airplane with a seat reserved for me – i guess i’m considered a “no-show” now. decided not to fly back home. god knows that i would have wanted to be in europe, or in beirut, but not here. but i … Continue reading “here”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=470"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=470"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=470"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sarah.constantvzw.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=470"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}